Did you guys know that The Hills are on Netflix Instant? Yep. I didn’t until this weekend…and oh, it’s bad I found out. I burned through the first two seasons like a crazy person. Why do I like this show?! Nothing ever, ever happens. Most episodes revolve around one person saying something “shady” (oh, do they love the term “shady”) and then everyone else discussing it for 20 minutes.
But, I’ve always felt like The Hills girls lived in an familiar, but alternate version of LA than I did. They were only a year younger than me and lived a few blocks from my apartment. They went to a lot of the same restaurants, parks and stores I did (well, when they were slumming). They also dined at a lot of restaurants I always wanted to try, but never did. I love getting glimpses of these places without actually having to pay!
But, even though they were often hanging out in places I frequented which made it eerily real, the plotlines and dialogue was the most scripted of the scripted. And who are these 20 year olds who can afford crazy tabs at fancy bars? Who has a boyfriend who sends ridiculous, tree-like massive bouquets…and also wears endless amounts of endless, horrible bling? And why did I never have a guy decide to rent an apartment with me in Malibu for the summer?! Wow. I must have been hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Anyway, here are the lessons I learned while re-watching the first two seasons of The Hills:
No matter how pretty they are, everyone ugly cries when they go through a break up. Mouth open, gasping for air, straight-up ugly crying. It doesn’t matter how horrible the guy was. YOU. WILL. UGLY. CRY.
If you want to know how into you a guy is, make him think you may be pregnant for a few long minutes. See what he does. Let him squirm. It’s the only way to gauge his emotions for sure.
Always go to Paris. DUH.
Los Angeles is the prettiest city in the world when shot through MTV’s lens. They even make the smog layer look atmospheric! Aw, pretty city. I miss you.
Never trust the man with the flesh colored beard! NEVER!
Pinkberry is a breakfast food. I actually completely agree with this. I’m being totally serious.
You should always have a friend who will tell you bad news with vacant eyes and an uncomprehending smile. It helps to cushion the blow.
If your boyfriend gets you a puppy and then you break up, don’t worry about it. The puppy will magically disappear between seasons. Also, a random cat may appear and disappear in your apartment. Don’t comment on it.
You look healthier, younger and all over better without massive amounts of plastic surgery. Always.
You’d give me fake diamonds on my birthday? Then you’re a BAD FRIEND.
And of course, FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN!