Swans. The lovely, graceful king of birds. So serene. So perfect. They are so beautiful that ballets and fairy tales are based on them.
NO. Have you ever actually seen one of these mofos close up? They are TERRIFYING.
The long graceful neck can move ANY WAY THEY WANT TO. This means they can reach really far in their attempts to bite you. It’s like having an angry, feathered brontosaurus trying to attack you. I don’t like it at all. It’s unnatural.
Also, these birds are mean. They hiss when they’re mad…which is like, all the time. THEY EFFING HISS. Birds really shouldn’t do that. It’s adding a snakelike element to the bird/dinosaur mix, which I’m pretty sure makes them evil incarnate.
Lesson of the day: Never ever ever trust a swan.