What I Read This Week: 4/19-4/25

25 Apr

Typical day in my life:

Yes. This is what I look like on a typical day.

  • Wake up. Hate waking up. Try to not wake up. Finally wake the fuck up and get out of bed. Resent the whole process.
  • Go to fully stocked kitchen with running water and eat some sort of food that someone else partially prepared for me (thank you, Mr. Eggo. Your products are top-notch!)
  • Take a shower in warm, delightful water. Dress, brush my hair and make myself otherwise presentable and drive to work.
  • Sit in a climate controlled office for 8 hours doing my thang. Do not do manual labor. Do not harvest crops. Every so often whine about life.
  • Drive home while having NPR/top 40 DJs entertain me. Go for a run because I sit all day like a lazy person.
  • Watch horribly bad reality tv that undermines my moral character/wrangle the cat/eat delightful items nutritionally unsound items. Stay up way too late thanks to the wonder of electricity.
  • Sleep in a warm, soft bed, and get ready to start the whole day over.

Typical day in Laura Ingalls’ life (in On the Banks of Plum Creek and By the Shores of Silver Lake)

  • Wake up at the crack of dawn. Thank the Lord that you didn’t die/go blind of a mysterious disease.
  • Gratefully do the dishes/make your bed/other boring chores, because you’re a good pioneer.
  • Don’t grumble when the wheat is eaten by a flock of grasshoppers, your father is buried in a blizzard, your house is more an itty bitty shack than a house, or a cow steps through the top of your dugout roof.
  • Find leeches and a scary creek crab creature. Have both attack the mean girl from school.
  • Walk the miles to school in your bare feet. Don’t complain.
  • Sing. Sing all the time. Wait. Are you talking? Shut up and sing.
  • Be your sister’s eyes because she is now, very suddenly blind. Don’t resent that.
  • Eat a fairly boring, monotonous dinner because you have to save everything for the winter. Be grateful and happy in your uncomfortable bed you share with your sister.

Typical day in Dicey Tillerman’s life ( in Homecoming)

This may be the most inappropriately scary cover for a book ever.

  • Be abandoned by mother in a parking lot with your three younger siblings. Don’t take it too hard.
  • Start walking with the little kids for miles and miles and miles to a relative’s house.
  • Be so good with money that you can somehow find bread and peanut butter for less than $1. (Yeah, it was the 80’s, but still!)
  • Sleep outside on the hard ground night after night. Don’t let it bug you. In fact, you’re so badass that you kind of prefer it.
  • If you run out of money, devise very clever ways  to make more. Only have that backfire on you that one time when the crazy farmer tries to kill/kidnap all of you.
  • Walk. Walk. Walk more. Trudge trudge trudge.
  • Meet crazy aunt who is super boring and a pain in the ass. Peace out almost immediately, because walking doesn’t scare you.
  • Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk.
  • Keep little siblings from driving you/each other crazy. Devise games and songs.
  • Sing. Like Laura, you spend way too much time singing old timey songs. It’s kind of weird. Had these 80’s kids never heard of pop music?
  • Join the circus for a few chapters! AWESOME.
  • Walk again.
  • Meet scary, mean grandmother. Charm her into letting you and your siblings stay. WIN AT LIFE.

Yeah, so basically both these young ladies are so much tougher and on top of things than I am. How am I not more awesome? It seems that I would have learned more when I idolized both of them as a pre-teen! Maybe I should start walking more and complaining less. That would be a start, I suppose.


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