Things I Learned from Re-Watching The Hills

26 Nov

Did you guys know that The Hills are on Netflix Instant? Yep. I didn’t until this weekend…and oh, it’s bad I found out. I burned through the first two seasons like a crazy person. Why do I like this show?! Nothing ever, ever happens. Most episodes revolve around one person saying something “shady” (oh, do they love the term “shady”) and then everyone else discussing it for 20 minutes.

But, I’ve always felt like The Hills girls lived in an familiar, but alternate version of LA than I did. They were only a year younger than me and lived a few blocks from my apartment. They went to a lot of the same restaurants, parks and stores I did (well, when they were slumming). They also dined at a lot of restaurants I always wanted to try, but never did. I love getting glimpses of these places without actually having to pay!

But, even though they were often hanging out in places I frequented which made it eerily real, the plotlines and dialogue was the most scripted of the scripted. And who are these 20 year olds who can afford crazy tabs at fancy bars? Who has a boyfriend who sends ridiculous, tree-like massive bouquets…and also wears endless amounts of endless, horrible bling? And why did I never have a guy decide to rent an apartment with me in Malibu for the summer?! Wow. I must have been hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Anyway, here are the lessons I learned while re-watching the first two seasons of The Hills:

No matter how pretty they are, everyone ugly cries when they go through a break up. Mouth open, gasping for air, straight-up ugly crying. It doesn’t matter how horrible the guy was. YOU. WILL. UGLY. CRY.

lauren conrad crying

If you want to know how into you a guy is, make him think you may be pregnant for a few long minutes. See what he does. Let him squirm. It’s the only way to gauge his emotions for sure.

Always go to Paris. DUH.

Los Angeles is the prettiest city in the world when shot through MTV’s lens. They even make the smog layer look atmospheric! Aw, pretty city. I miss you.

Never trust the man with the flesh colored beard! NEVER!
spencer pratt

Pinkberry is a breakfast food. I actually completely agree with this. I’m being totally serious.

You should always have a friend who will tell you bad news with vacant eyes and an uncomprehending smile. It helps to cushion the blow.
blank eyes audrina

If your boyfriend gets you a puppy and then you break up, don’t worry about it. The puppy will magically disappear between seasons. Also, a random cat may appear and disappear in your apartment. Don’t comment on it.

You look healthier, younger and all over better without massive amounts of plastic surgery. Always.
heidi before and after
You’d give me fake diamonds on my birthday? Then you’re a BAD FRIEND.



6 Responses to “Things I Learned from Re-Watching The Hills”

  1. Claire November 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    I freaking love the hills and I freaking love this post!

  2. the usual bliss November 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm #

    This show is totally oddly addictive. I stay away. Mostly because it’s not showing on MTV anymore. Because I, too, have had unintentional “The HIlls” marathons…

  3. heykerryann November 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    Oh man, I also just started rewatching The Hills, and I’m actually working on a post about my sincere love for Lauren Conrad! I don’t know what it is about The Hills, but it’s definitely addictive.

    • ohdizzle November 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one! There is so much awesome in that show!

  4. Laura Rowsell (@LauraRowsell) November 27, 2012 at 11:42 am #

    The Hills is my guiltiest of ALL the guilty pleasures, and I totally just go around thinking I’m above it all now, but you know what? If I started watching it on Netflix then I would. Not. Stop.

    Incidentally, this post made me look for it on English Netflix and it has the first 3 seasons on there. So now I know what I’m doing with *my* weekend… (BAD! THIS IS BAD MANDY!)

    • ohdizzle November 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

      Sorry, Laura! A weekend well spent…? Maybe?

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