Skills.

15 Jul

Skills to pay the bills yellow dear colleen poster

I am a fairly competent person, I think. I have jobs, I go to school, I have friends, I date, I manage to not kill myself with my own cooking…not too shabby. And then there are all the little things I can do, that no one ever appreciates! I’m sure we all have these secret talents, so I’d love to hear about yours! Here are mine!

  • I can quote Peewee’s Big Adventure like no one’s business. You mention the Alamo? I tell you there’s no basement. You say but…, I say that we should talk about your “big but.” And of course, I know you are, but what am I? I have a much harder time remembering quotes from other, more dignified movies though.
  • I can fold my tongue into a weird clover shape. This can also go into the list of things I can do that SOUND sexy, but are really, really not.
  • I’m not a very good dancer, but I am a TOP NOTCH car dancer. It generally involves a lot of hand movements and chest popping. I get stares every so often, but I know they’re just jealous.
  • The bachelorette party I went to this weekend was at a house with two awesome goats. Apparently, I’m good with goats. Who knew?
  • You know those horror movies where someone all of a sudden sees a figure behind them in the mirror and then they turn around and no one’s there and it’s terrifying?!?! I’m really good at convincing myself that there will be someone behind me if I look in the mirror. This is the worst skill to have…ever.
  • LA is a hellish parking city. There are way too many cars and too few spaces, which leads to many parking lots to charge ridiculous prices. I’m really, really good at being stubborn and finding parking for free…even if it involves walking a million blocks. I’m sticking it to those parking lot guys! SUCK IT!
  • The Nicki Minaj verse in the song “Monster”? Nailed it.
  • I grew up and learned to drive in a small town with lots of unlit, windy roads. This has led to me having awesome turning on/off the brights on my headlights skills. No one around? BAM. Brights on. See someone coming up way in the distance? BAM. Brights off. You guys don’t even know.
  • Last but certainly not least, I’m really good at the hip shimmy/roll part of Zumba. The rest? Eh. I’m fine. But when it’s time to shake your ass using your hips…oh. I’m Shakira.

Please tell me you guys have some useless skills! Don’t leave me alone in this!

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One Response to “Skills.”

  1. cross(stitch)yourheart July 15, 2013 at 8:59 am #

    I’m super jealous you can fold your tongue into the clover shape. I’ve been trying that since middle school and have finally had to come to the conclusion I am incapable of doing it. 😦

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